A Conversation With the Conscience

C: Hey.

P: Hi.

C: Distressed?

P: How can you always tell?

C: I am you. I always know.

P: True.

C: So, you wanna talk about it?

P: I want to cry.

C: What happened, baby?

P: I am frustrated with this work.

C: I understand.

P: And I am scared that I will lose Purav if I keep behaving like this.

C: Why would you think so?

P: Why not? He’s not obligated to handle my bullshit mood swings. Eventually, he will tire out. *sobs*

C: Does he love you?

P: Yes, of course.

C: Then he is obligated.

P: But he is his own person. Why would he be obligated in any way?

C: You’re overthinking again.

P: I know that!

C: Would you have handled his tantrums?

P: Yes, I guess.

C: And why?

P: Because I love him?

C: Do you get my point now?

P: I guess I do. But still.

C: Pratima, see, there’s literally nothing you can do about this job thing. Why fuss over it at all? And about Purav, I know his mood is good right now because of Star Wars, but you can talk to him later, right? Maybe tomorrow? Until then, aren’t I right here with you, my love?

P: You’re right. Can I tell you what happened today?

C: Always.

P: So, the class was making a lot of noise. I yelled at them real bad. And then I got out of the class because their Hindi teacher came in; it was her period. So anyway, I sat outside the classroom and waited for the period to get over to take them to lunch. And then, I saw a boy getting slapped real bad. I didn’t say anything at that moment, but later the students told me that he wasn’t the only one who got slapped. There were other 4 students too. So I asked these 5 students to stay in the class while the rest of them went to the diner. When they came to me, these 5 children, they started crying real bad. My heart melted right there. I wanted to cry watching them. These students were trouble makers, but, Conscience, they were so sad. These weren’t crocodile tears. They were so sad. I want to cry just remembering that.

C: Oh, honey. I love your compassion. But you see, it’s just that these teachers are probably so tired and frustrated by this school, that they took it out on them. Because it’s their ass on the line, yeah? You know that, don’t you?

P: I know. Will I become like them as well, Conscience? Because I am frustrated too.

C: You’re not like them, baby. You know what it’s like to become the victim of someone else’s frustration. You would never go to such length. Yelling at them? Sure. But hitting a child? Never.

P: You’re probably right.

C: Yes. Is anything else troubling you?

P: Maybe.

C: Yeah?

P: Why can’t I take a joke?

C: Because that’s your hamartia, your fatal flaw.

P: What do you mean?

C: Remember what you told Namya about flaws that day?

P: Yeah?

C: Having flaws is awesome. I don’t see many flaws in you now. There are only: jealousy, rudeness (to some people), and this. But so what, Pratima? Everyone has flaws. So what if you do too? Now, I am not telling you to stay this way. Life is all about trying to overcome your weaknesses, one by one. And it’s awesome that you are aware about this flaw. You can mend it now, right? Or at least try to?

P: I guess I can. Thank you.

C: I am always going to be here, baby. I love you.

P: I love you, too. 

A Conversation with Conscience.

Conscience: Hey, Pratima.

Me: Hey.

Conscience: What happened? You seem sad.

Me: Is that why you’re talking to me?

Conscience: You know it.

Me: *Sighs*

Conscience: Come on. You know you can talk to me. Is it because of the breakup?

Me: Maybe.

Conscience: Do you miss him?

Me: I don’t think so.

Conscience: Do you feel love towards him?

Me: Barely.

Conscience: Hate?

Me: Hardly.

Conscience: Anger?

Me: That’s probably it.

Conscience: Anger regarding what?

Me: The list is long.

Conscience: I’ve got time.

Me: That’s what I’ve wasted on him.

Conscience: I see.

Me: I actually thought bearing with all these fights was worth it in the long run.

Conscience: And why did you think so?

Me: Perhaps because I wanted to make this work.

Conscience: But why did you think it was worth it? And at the expense of your self-respect?

Me: Because I loved him.

Conscience: Did you?

Me: I think so. If that’s what love is.

Conscience: What is love according to you?

Me: Being committed to one person, accepting them as they are, and being affectionate towards them even when they push you away, adoring them for what they are. I don’t even know if I agree with what I am saying.

Conscience: Why don’t you try this? What would you have said to your best friend if they were in this situation? What would you tell them about love?

Me: I would tell them that love is being with someone and being happy with them. Love is when you see that person and know that they’ll never make you sad. Even if they do, then love is accepting their flaws and expecting them to understand your flaws. When you stop expecting such a thing from them, it’s not love anymore. It’s a compromise. A false hope that one day everything will work out and you will be happy with them. Love is when you trust that person and know that they will do you no wrong. When you expect them to hurt you, it’s not love anymore.

Conscience: Did you trust him?

Me: For some time, yes.

Conscience: And then?

Me: And then I didn’t expect him to understand me.

C: When did that start?

Me: When my dad almost caught us, and then we fought about my dad accusing him.

C: Did he hurt you?

Me: Deeply.

C: Why were you with him then?

Me: I didn’t want to stop fighting for us.

C: And why is that?

Me: Because there was hope.

C: What are you most hurt about?

Me: He broke my trust.

C: And you’re sad because he too broke your trust? Because he left just like everyone else?

Me: He didn’t leave. I kicked him out.

C: And do you think you were right about that?

Me: Hell, yes!

C: Then why are you sad? What happened to ‘Good riddance’?

Me: He broke my trust! And I’m mad at him and myself for that!

C: Why are you mad at yourself?

Me: Because I trusted him too soon!

C: Isn’t a relationship built on trust? Weren’t you supposed to trust him in the first place?

Me: That’s it! I entered this relationship too soon!

C: But is there a time limit to that?

Me: No, I guess.

C: Then how were you wrong?

Me: Because I didn’t know anything about him, and still blindly trusted him.

C: Aah, I see. Fair enough. Are you going to punish yourself?

Me: Should I?

C: Punishing you would mean punishing me.

Me: I know. But I don’t want to punish myself.

C: Do you want to punish him?

Me: No, I don’t want to see him ever again.

C: I don’t think you will.

Me: Let’s hope.

C: In the meantime, do you want to be happy again?

Me: Yes.

C: What are we going to do about it?

Me: I don’t know.

C: You want a break, don’t you?

Me: Yes. I want to go away somewhere. Alone.

C: You’re sad about something else.

Me: Yeah.

C: What is it?

Me: I feel bad about myself.

C: And why is that?

Me: I can’t forgive myself for letting him treat me like this.

C: Will you listen to me?

Me: Yes.

C: You’re a fighter. You didn’t want to give up so soon. You just picked a wrong fight. But so what? Everyone makes mistakes. I made a mistake by letting you do this all on your own, and I think you did well without me. You kicked him out soon, even if it doesn’t feel like soon enough for you.

Me: But I let others pay the price. They won’t love me anymore.

C: Sure they will. Do you think you would’ve stopped loving them after their one mistake?

Me: I don’t think so.

C: Exactly. It is high time you forgive yourself. It is important that you forgive yourself, or you won’t find someone who is actually for fighting for not with.

Me: I’ll try.

Anuhya

Anuhya

I am not normal. Far from it. Yes, maybe I am normal for a teenager trying to cope with the world, but I am not normal in the conventional definition of that word. The revelation of this fact happened to me and left me bewildered. 

I never knew what was going on in my life. I knew my name is Anuhya. I knew I lost my parents. I didn't know anything else. My papa died when I was 8. I didn't remember his funeral, but I remembered maa's funeral vividly. I was just 13. Not many relatives had come. 

Honestly, no relative of her whom I knew even remotely had come. She had become a recluse months before her death and months after her marriage to Naresh. I had little to no communication with my relatives. A bit absurd in India, I know. My nani had died some  months ago, and nanu had died when maa was 18. Naresh had invited the ones he knew.

Some of them gave me condolences, but all I saw was some stranger consoling me for the loss of someone that close. Is that how it works? What do you even say? Nothing seemed compensation enough for her death.

I wept alone that day, away from all of them while Naresh got all the sympathy he wanted.

When the rituals were over, he let me sit alone for some 15 minutes, and then took me to his car by my elbow. I thought that he was going to take me to an orphanage. Instead, he took me to the house he and maa had bought years ago when they had gotten married. Upon asking, he said he wasn't going to abandon me until I was old enough. He said he'd let me live in that house until I was old enough to make a living, but I had to do all the house chores and never show him my face. I liked that arrangement. 

I didn't like talking to anyone in school, but I had to maintain some social relations to keep the teachers happy. I hated when all of them became extra-polite and ultra-pitiful when they were around me. I could see it, sense it, that they all saw me as "damaged goods". But there was this one boy who did no such thing. 

Surya, a 13 year old boy, sat next to me in every class and in every recess silently. More often than not, he brought two lunch-boxes with him, and kept them both open in front of me. He didn't eat until I started eating from one of them. I had finally found a new friend. 

That was not the end of my problems. Soon enough, some boys from school started bullying me. They started asking me about my parents' death; some of them even went to the lengths of physical bullying. They locked me in the washrooms, they tore my notebooks, they pulled my hair. I didn't report any of this to the principal, because she would just call my "dad" and that would just mean more trouble for me at home, at school, and everywhere. 

One day, much to my dismay, the principal saw one of the girls pulling my hair in the class and decided to call Naresh to the school, despite my protests. When Naresh came, he listened to ma'm and took me straight home. I knew it wasn't over there. 

"What had I told you when I brought you here after your mother's death?" he asked, shutting the door. 

"To not bother you."

"Then why did I receive a call from your principal asking me to meet her?"

"It was not my--"

"Did I ask you to speak yet?"

"But it wasn't my fault she pulled my hair!"

"Did I ask you to speak yet, you little brat? You are not my daughter! You understand me? I don't care who does what to you! I don't care if you get bullied or anything! Stay out of my eyesight! Do you understand this, or is it too advanced for you?" 

I thought it'd be wise to not say anything. 

"I kept you here in this house, because your mother helped me buy it and I don't keep anyone's debt. If that wasn't the case, you'd be in an orphanage. Listen, I don't care about what happens to you. So please take care of your actions, young lady, or I'll forget that I have your mother's debt. Now go to your room."

I obliged. 

When my mother had died, I had pledged not to cry again. I could not let anyone, especially Naresh see me in my weakness, but that day, I cried. I locked my room and for the first time in months, sobbed. 

"Why? Why me? What did I do to anyone? What did I do to earn this?" I kept blabbering. 

I spotted a blade on my nightstand. I took it in my hand and swiped it on my pinky finger. It started bleeding and hurting immediately. 

"Anuhya?" I heard Surya's voice. 

"What are you doing in my head?" 

"Turn around, you ass."

I turned around and there he was. I hid the blade. I was pretty sure he saw my eyes. I didn't see a point in hiding the fact that I had been crying. He was neither bothered, nor alarmed by that. 

"What are you hiding?"

I showed him the blade and the finger. He didn't say anything. He asked me for the first-aid kit and treated the wound. I didn't know what to say. 

"Do you want to pay Snakes and Ladders?"

And we did. We played that game twice, and talked, and made fun of each other. Neither of us mentioned this ever again. 

For two years, Surya and I were inseparable. We didn't meet much, but when we did, we were joined by limbs. He was a smart scholarship student. He had to keep his grades up, and was always studying for some quiz or the other. We both knew that he was not here forever, but neither or us mentioned that.

We didn't talk much; we didn't need to. When we did talk, it was usually about some random fun fact he had learned the other day. 

"Did you know that there are more chances to die by choking on a spoon than a shark attack?"

"Do tell."

"Every year, ten people die by choking on a spoon and 8 people die in a shark attack."

"Do you know what that means?"

"What?"

"You can literally die from anything."

"Well, aren't you a little ray of pitch black."

"Touché."

School didn't change. The bullying continued, and I kept hiding it. The fact that I was hiding it increased the intensity of it even more. I could hear all class-mates whispering how I couldn’t save my mother, and how I was a curse to her. Or at least I thought they did. They were thinking about it, even if they didn’t say it. I kept thinking about it after that day.

The only support I had was my bra and Surya. Surya encouraged me in a very different way, and kept me going.

“Don’t pay attention to them. They’re jealous you’re my friend and they’re not.”

“Awww, that’s so sweet! You’re like the best friend I have!” I taunted.

“Anuhya, I’m the only friend you have.”

“Touché, Surya. Touché.”

“What are you going to do when I go away?”

“Well, you’re not going to….not anytime soon.” I went to hug him, but he retreated.

“I’m going. I’m moving to America.”

“You’re what now?” I could not believe it. I did not want to believe it.

“My parents are getting divorced. Dad won the custody battle, and he wants to stay as far as possible from mom. He’s taking me to the states.”

That evening when Surya left my house, I took an hour long bath to calm my nerves. When I came out, I stood in front of the mirror and dropped the towel. I looked at my naked body. I had grown. I had protruding breasts, and growing curves. My dark circles didn’t look as evident as they did before. I looked like a healthy kid, or at least an illusion of it. The credit was Surya’s. I would never have been able to cope if it wasn’t for him.

And now he was leaving.

I wanted to cry, but the tears never came. I used to think that only I was battling the demons in my life, but forgot that others can have a life as complicated and vivid as I do, if not more. The feeling of sonder hit me hard. Surya lived in his house with a dead body; his parents’ marriage, and we never even talked about it.

I finally did cry before going to sleep. The fear of losing him, of tolerating my existence without my best-friend, surrounded my mind, and I let it all out on my pillow.

Someone had rightly said, “Because you love even more what you know you’ll lose before long.”

The week went by in a blur. Surya came to the school only twice. Once with his dad to collect his Leaving Certificate, and once to see me. That day he took me to the chemistry lab and kissed me for the first and last time. That was the last I ever saw him.

Fast forward to my college life. I was glad I had left the school. In college, not one person bothered with me. That’s the thing about college; no one has the time to think about your existence. If you make friends, good for you. If you choose to be alone, didn’t matter.

I did make friends in college, not necessarily human. The dogs there were very affectionate. Sometimes they didn’t even care if I had food or not; they just wanted to play. They always came running when they sensed that their feeder was coming. I fed them and their puppies daily.

One of such mornings, I saw a guy playing with the puppies. I decided to leave them be with him and come back when he was gone. I tried to leave, but to no avail. One of the puppies spotted me and sprang towards me, wagging its little tail, and all of the others followed suit.

So, I knelt down and fed them. I didn’t make any eye contact with the cute guy, but I somehow knew that he was looking at me. He came close and placed a puppy, who was struggling in his arms, near the bowl of milk, and walked away. That was the first time I noticed a good looking person in the college.

Soon, I started spotting him every day in college. He came to the lectures regularly. I guessed his major was also English Literature. He never asked questions, just took notes.

He was a rather handsome fellow. Shorter than most guys, he was not too short. He had a scruffy beard and wore specs. He looked like a decent individual and had an angular face. Unlike many guys, he wasn’t scrawny, but neither was he too brawny. I never got so close as to see what colour his eyes were.

One fine day he just sat beside me in the library. The library was almost empty, and the librarian was nowhere to be seen. He sat beside me and gave me a smile when I looked at him. I quickly dug my face in my book.

“You’re the dog girl, yeah?” he asked.

“Is that a new superhero name?”

He chuckled.

“Well, you are a hero to them. They seem to really admire you.”

I nodded without looking at him. It was awkward.

“I am Suraj.”

“Anuhya.” I replied

“Nice name.” he commented.

“Thanks. I’d like to read if you don’t mind.”

“Oh yes, of course. Do carry on.”

After this encounter, he started saying ‘hello’ whenever we crossed paths. At first I shied away, but once I got the hang of it, I started reciprocating. Soon enough, we started walking home together. We didn’t talk much, just walked together in comfortable silence. He’d drop me home and after exchanging “goodbyes”, headed for his own.

It so happened once, I failed to go to the college. I had caught a bad fever because of the climate change. I even went as far to ask for a leave to Naresh. Surprisingly, he didn’t say no. He just exhaled loudly and nodded before leaving the house.

For the first time, that day, I heard a knock on the door and it was not one of Naresh’s ‘lady friends’. It was Suraj, my new friend.

“Are you dying?” he asked, standing on the doorstep.

“Huh? No!”

“You didn’t grace the college with your presence today, so I thought you must be dying. I even brought a flower for your grave.” He gave me a white rose with a surprisingly blank look on his face.

“Do forgive me for disappointing you. Would you like some tea?”

“Why, yes, so kind of you to ask, but would you mind me drinking tea inside? It’s rather cold out here.”

I stepped away and let him in.

When I asked him to make the tea, he said, “Where are your manners, Anuhya? Who asks a guest to cook?”

“Where are your manners, Suraj? Who asks a sick person to cook.”

Eventually, he obliged. I washed the vessels so that the brute wouldn’t have something to complain about when he came home. Not that he wouldn’t. He was talented enough to come up with a complaint about anything and everything in a matter of seconds.

I directed Suraj to my bedroom.

“You’ve got a lovely home, Anuhya.”

“Aren’t you done with the fake manners thing yet?”

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve got a habit of stretching a joke.”

“I figured. Anyway, what would you like to do?” I inquired.

“I would like to make-out, but I doubt you’d like that.”

“Fucketh thyself, Mistry.”

“I do. It’s rather pleasing. Anyway….stop making that disgusted face. Everyone does it.”

“So, I got you the notes you missed.” He fished out a book from his bag.

“Thank you.” I smiled.

“Meh, it’s nothing. Do you have Uno?”

“That I do. Wait a minute.” I took out an ivory box neatly stashed in my drawer.

The last time I had played anything with anyone, it was with Surya. I still missed him dearly. I was glad there was someone I could play with again. We played till it was time for him to scram and for the brute to come back. But after that day, he started coming over more.

We’d talk about most random of the things, like how giraffes were unable to cough and how no word in the English language rhymes with ‘month’. But sometimes we’d talk about the inevitability of death and emotional abuse by parents. Yes, it’s a thing!

“I escaped from my house.” He once confessed when he was in my house. He had seemed really disturbed that day, so I had called him over. He was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling when he said this, after a long silence.

“Do tell.”

“I didn’t literally run away. I just didn’t choose this college for its facilities. There were other reasons.”

“Okay. Why did you feel the need to do so?”

“All those fights, Anu. I was so done with them. I couldn’t even hold a decent conversation with them anymore. I couldn’t just keep pretending that everything was okay and that I didn’t care when it clearly wasn’t the case. They wouldn’t even get a fucking divorce, man!”

“I understand.”

He sat up. “You do? You don’t think I’m a wuss?”

“Why would I think that?”

“I don’t know…maybe because I left my family for my own selfish motives?”

“Okay, first of all, there is nothing wrong with being a bit selfish. Secondly, who would want to see their parents fight every day? Everyone has their limits. You’ve endured enough, haven’t you?”

He nodded and looked away. I gave him a little space to calm down.

“You know, this is the first time I said this out loud. I didn’t even admit it to myself. I judged myself for abandoning them. How do you not?”

I was silent for a while, bargaining in my head if I should share.

“Maybe because I know what you’re talking about. I’ve seen it first-hand.”

“What do you mean?”

“Leave it. I don’t want to bore you.”

“It’s offensive to me as a friend that you would think so.”

I smiled.

“Well, my mum and dad never fought in front of me. That’s probably because papa died when I was 8. But mum married this another man in some time.”

“I did not know that.”

“After my dad’s death, I was sent to my naani’s house. I didn’t know why I was being sent there. My naani told me the truth after some time. She didn’t want to keep me in the dark. When I asked about maa, she said that maa had gone to do some soul searching. After a year, maa came back. She was with a man; she had taken a new husband.

I was okay with him, and he seemed fine to me. He made maa happy. But then the fights started. He told maa that he didn’t think of me as his daughter, which was fine with me because I never thought of him as my father, but that really hurt my mother. This was just the beginning. The fights became louder and more aggressive. I used to hide in the bathroom.”

“And are they fine now?”

“She’s dead, Suraj.” Suraj grew stiff. He didn’t know how to react to such a news, perhaps.

“How….how did she die?”

I had to take a break to gather the courage to tell that story. Suraj gave me my space and held my hand as a tear broke loose.

“She was diagnosed with clinical depression. She shut herself away completely. She just slept in her room for the most part. Sometimes I used to see her walking in the house like a ghost at night. She did have her good days. She used to wake up, I would skip school, and we went to the zoo. She used to tell me dad’s stories. Not that I didn’t remember him, but I loved hearing them from her.

One afternoon, I came back from school and found her struggling for breath. She was hanging from the fan. I ran to her and forced her feet on the stool and begged her to take off that  chunni. She did. She came down. I wanted to scream at her, but didn’t. I behaved as if nothing had happened. I did everything I could. I spent more time with her, got good marks, talked about stuff she liked, even brought scented candles for her and cleaned her room. But I guess I failed.”

“What do you mean?”

“She won. She finally committed suicide without disturbance. I failed as a daughter. I couldn’t…save…her.”

At this point I was downright sobbing. Suraj held me close. He hugged me as if he was protecting me from something, perhaps from myself. I let him embrace me. I had not said this out loud since her death.

“I miss her so much.”

“I know, honey. I know.”

“I couldn’t save her.” I cried.

“It wasn’t in your hands. She did what she thought was right.”

“What was she thinking?”

“Maybe she wasn’t thinking at all.” 

That day, he sat with me as long as it wasn’t time for the brute to come back.

The next day, he took me out to eat. He said it was a date. He told me to dress up and picked me up from my house. After the date when we came back to my house, he kissed me. I didn’t stop him. I really liked him.

He snaked his arm around my waist to pull me closer and I clung to his arm. His mouth engulfed mine and our tongues explored each other. It was most exquisite. That was the feeling I was looking for forever, the sweet nothingness.

He pulled away and said, “We’re perfect together.”

“Yes, but what’s the point? You’re not even real.”

Drunk Dial Gone Right!

It was a cold Sunday morning. The weather was chilly, but it didn't feel like it to Priya. Her insides were red hot, and it burnt like hell. She sat on her bathroom floor surrounded by her own puke. She tried to get up, but failed miserably. She was tired of puking all night now. If she puked once more, her guts would fall out on the stupid floor. She started crying.

Garima heard a voice crying, so she followed it. In the bathroom, she found her roommate surrounded with vomit. She wanted to puke herself, the smell was so bad, but she had to help her friend out. So, she went to her and helped her get up. "Come on, you're going to be okay, Talwar." Garima said. 

"I don't... think so." She said between her sobs. Garima didn't say anything. 

She washed Priya up, and took her to her room and sat her down on the bed. She spotted a dustbin, and put it near the bed.

"Now tell me what happened. Why were you out late last night? And why did I find you in a pond of vomit this morning?" Garima asked.

"I... I was at Prarthana's place last night. They were drinking.." 

Garima stopped her, "And you drank with them, didn't you?" 

Priya gave Garima the look that even scared Garima, and Garima wasn't scared so easily. "If you don't want to listen then why do you even bother asking? Just make your own theories!" Priya almost yelled.

"Alright, tell me what happened."

Priya sighed and continued, "So they were drinking, and they offered some to me, too. I told them that I didn't want it. So they insisted on drinking at least something. For their sake, I drank a coke. We had some fun, playing Never Have I Ever, and the next thing I remember is that I am in my bathroom at 3 in the morning, puking like anything." After saying this, Priya grabbed the dustbin and almost puked once more, but nothing came out.

"So, you think that they put something in your drink?" Garima asked. 

"I don't think so, I mean the bar tender gave me the drink in the bottle, and he opened it in front of me...I guess." Priya admitted.

"You guess?" Garima inquired. 

"I don't remember vividly. I saw her open the bottle, but I am not sure she gave it to me directly." Priya replied.

"Okay, first things first, take your medicine and get some rest okay?" she snaked out a capsule from her pocket and gave it to Priya. Priya swallowed it and lay down on the bed.

"Don't you have to go to the bookstore?" Priya asked. "It's Sunday." Garima replied, "Now get some rest, will you?"

Priya went to sleep, and fortunately didn't wake up to puke again. Garima sat by her bed, in case she needed anything, but she went to the kitchen to get some food for herself while waiting.

*Carry on my wayward, son!*

Priya's phone rang. She woke up with a jolt.

"Hello!" she yelled, and remembered that she hadn't received the call yet. She picked up the phone to see who it was. 

It was Harry.

Her heartbeats grew faster. She received the call, "Hello." She said in a sleepy voice.

"Good morning." He greeted from the other end. 

She smiled, "Good morning." She said in a sleepy voice.

"How are you now?" he asked. 

"I'm.. I'm okay, I guess." She replied.

"Well, why don't I believe you?" he asked again. 

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" she asked.

"What's wrong with me?" he said and laughed satirically. 

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Priya separated the phone from her ear and looked at it, confused. 

"What are you trying to say?" she asked, irritated. 

He sighed and said, "Nothing. How are you now? I've just been worried sick about you." 

He admitted. 

"Wait, you're sick?" she teased, and heard a little chuckle.

"Just answer now, will you?" she smiled. 

"I am better now. Wait, how do you know I wasn't okay?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, only Garima and I know that I was puking the whole night." She paused, "She told you, didn't she? That putz can't keep anything in her stomach." she blabbered.

"Priya, wait. Garima didn't tell me anything."

"Hold on just a second." Priya said as she saw Garima walking into the room. 

"Dude, I am sorry, but my boss just called. I need to go. There's some local author coming to the store today and I forgot about it. You think you can handle yourself just for some hours?" Priya smiled and nodded.

"Great. Take care, okay? If you feel like puking again, the medicine is just on your nightstand." She said and ran to her room.

"Yeah, talk." Priya said in the phone. 

"Harry?" she noticed the line was cut. 

"Couldn't hold even for a second. I can't believe I have a crush on him." She threw her phone on the bed and went to sleep again. Sleep didn't come, only headache did, that too a bad one. 

"Aaaagh!" she grunted. She opened her drawer to find a Zintac. "Great! Just great! You had to be finished today!" she yelled on the empty box.

The headache was getting worse by every minute. 

"I am going to die today. Mumma!" she yelled at thin air. She stood up and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. She reached the kitchen and kept the vessel on the stove. Just as she was reaching the fridge, she felt a little dizzy. 

"Oh, this ain't good." She said as she tried to balance herself.

She opened the fridge and took out some milk. She kept it on the platform and went to take some sugar and coffee. She felt so dizzy this time that she couldn't help herself.

She started to go unconscious as she fell down on the floor. The last thing she saw before her eyes closed was Harry running to her. "Uh oh." Was the last thing she said.

The first thing Harry saw as he entered was Priya falling down on the floor, and saying "Uh oh".  What was that supposed to mean? Harry took her in his arms and put her on her bed.

"This girl is going to be the death of me some day." Harry said to himself.

He wasn't able to think straight since she called him the other night.

He was with his sister when she called him. "It's Priya." She said as she gave him the phone.

"Would you look at your smile?" she had also said. 

"Shut your mouth, Mili." He said and picked up the phone. Mili made the heart sign with her hands to tease him and he slapped her hands.

"Yoooooooooo!" Priya's voice came from the other end. "Priya, what's up with you?" he asked. "What's up with you?" she asked. "What's wrong with you?" Harry asked, getting serious. On the corner of his eyes, he saw Mili getting a bit worried, too. "What's wrong with you, idgit?" she asked and giggled like a 12 year old fan-girl. "Are you drunk?" he asked. Mili sat up straight. "No! Your face is drunk!" she yelled so loud, even Mili heard it. "Baby, where are you?" he asked. "I am not a baby!" she exclaimed.

"Where are you, woman?" he almost yelled. 

"Did you just yell at me?" she sounded like she was going to cry. 

"No, no, no, no! I didn't yell at you. Where are you, Priya?" he asked. 

"Better. I am at Prarthana's shoe." She said. 

"Prathanas shoe? You mean house?" he asked.

"Yes!" Priya exclaimed. 

"I'm coming to get you." He said and hung up. "I have to go." He said to Mili and prepared to leave. "Take care!" she yelled when he left.

The things she said to him when he reached were really disturbing. 

He now looked at the unconscious Priya snuggled up in her blanket, looking so innocent and peaceful. He sat by her for some time, reading her blogs on his phone. He observed so many things he hadn't before. It was all in front of him. How did he not see this before? He shook his head and laughed on himself. 

Priya woke up slowly, taking her surroundings in. Her eyes moved, trying to understand where she was. She was in her room. Phew! Then her eyes caught something strange. It was Harry sitting beside her, on the bed! She rubbed her eyes, and opened them again, hoping his image would go away. It didn't. He was right there, reading something on his phone, with no care of the world.

"Harry?" she whispered. He turned towards her, and smiled.

"Good morning!" he greeted. 

"Since when have you been here?" she asked. 

"I came right about when you fainted and said 'uh oh'." He replied.

Face, meet palm. She thought.

"Don't be so embarrassed." He said. 

"Uh huh..." she replied.

"So, what's up? How did you get so drunk last night? I thought you didn't like to drink. Oh, I get it. Peer pressure, right?" he asked. 

Priya rolled her eyes and said, "And you say you know me." to which he replied, "I thought I did," satirically.

"Don't you accuse me, or taunt me! I didn't even know that I was drunk."

"Well, no drunk person knows that, but you did know that you drank, right?"

"Here's where you're wrong. I didn't drink. I asked for a coke. Now how am I supposed to know that there was booze in it?"

"Care to explain?" he asked. 

"See, we were playing Never Have I Ever, and it's a drinking game, right? So they tried to convince me to drink. When I declined, they got upset. So, I asked them for a coke. We played the game, and the next thing I remember, I am running to the bathroom, and puking my guts out again and again." She explained.

"I still don't understand why you're friends with her." Priya rolled her eyes.

"I don't know the answer for that." She said.

"Anyway, so get ready." Harry instructed. 

"For?" Priya asked. 

"We're going out. You need some air." Harry replied.

"No, I just need a coffee and some sleep." Priya argued. 

"Well, I'll buy you some coffee." Harry offered. 

"Could you please make some for me instead?" she requested.

"Okay, fine." he said and went to the kitchen.

He came back after 1o minutes with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. They talked, argued, fought and made up, and then she went off to sleep. Harry had somewhere to go, so he left after she went to sleep.

Priya woke up to the sound of Garima moving through the house. Could she BE any louder? The first thing she thought of was Harry, which brought a smile on her face. That smile was replaced by a frown when she smelled herself. So, she went to the shower. The effect of booze and the hangover was wearing off. Who thought it would have this consequence? She had to talk to Prarthana for this. It wasn't funny, or cool.

First things first, she had to take a shower. Soon. So, she stood up and went to the bathroom after picking out some good clothes to make herself feel better. Even in the shower, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She banged her head on the wall lightly. 

"Get out of my fricking head, ya bastard!" she growled. 

She showered for at least two hours, she was that tired and dirty.

She felt very good after the shower. Life was so much better. She sighed and texted Harry.

*Hey! Thanks for stopping by today.*

The reply came in seconds.

*No problem.*

She smiled. Wait, how did he know that she was drunk in the first place? She hadn't asked him yet.

*How did you know I was drunk last night?*

He took a bit to reply this time.

*Can we meet?*

Well, wasn't that strange?

*Sure. You're welcome here anytime.*

*No, you be ready. I am taking you out somewhere.*

*Why?*

*Do you ever count how many questions you ask in a day?*

*I lose the count after 100.*

* Lol. Be ready, will you?*

*Fine!*

He didn't text after that. She got ready in 10 minutes.

"Hey, Garima! I am going out with Harry for a bit." She yelled at the bathroom door. 

"Why, Talwar? You're ill!" Garima's voice came from inside the bathroom.

"I feel okay now. I need some fresh air, Gari!" she yelled back.

"Fine. Be back before dark, though. I am making dinner tonight, and you are NOT saying no to khichdi!" Garima ordered. 

"Yes, ma'am." Priya smiled.

The doorbell rang. Priya opened the door; it was Harry. He smiled brightly when he saw her. 

"You look good, you know, compared to before." He greeted.

"I wish I could say the same for you." Priya teased, and Harry tickled her. 

"Do not tickle me!" she warned, just as a joke.

"Or?" he challenged. 

"Honey, then I won't be responsible for your injuries." She smirked. 

"Whatever. Shall we go now?" he asked. 

"We shall." She replied.

He escorted her to his car, and sat her down on the passenger seat. The ride was long enough for Priya to be bored as Harry was not speaking at all. He was silent all of a sudden. 'Why do I have a crush on such a strange man?' she asked herself. So, she turned on the music system.

"I'm taking back the crowwwn! I'm all dressed up and naked. See what's mine and take it....Ooooohhh....hey!" she frowned when he stopped the music.

"We're here." He said.

She looked outside. It was beautiful! He took her to the river side. 

"What is this place?" she asked. 

"Divair." Her eyes grew wider. 

"Hey, I've been here!" she exclaimed.

"I know." He stated. They walked a bit long and sat down on a mat he had brought with him. 

"So...?" she asked. 

"So what?" he asked. 

"Why did you bring me here?" she inquired. 

"Long drive." He replied. 

"It is just me or are you acting weird?" she asked. He rolled his eyes. 

"It's just you." He answered. 

"Really? I don't think so." She stated.

"So, do you remember anything from last night?" he asked suddenly.

"I remember playing that god forsaken game, and then running to the bathroom. Nothing in between." She replied. 

"Nothing in between?" he asked again.

"Yeah, I think I covered that part." she inquired. 

"Did you even wonder how you got back to home?" he asked. "I did, but then I thought one of them would've dropped me back. I do wonder how you came to know that I was drunk." She looked at Harry.

"Well, I have an answer for that."

"Well, great! Because I really need an answer."

"You drunk dialed me."

She sat up straight. "I did what?!" she half yelled. 

"You called me when you were drunk." He replied.

"I think I know the definition, professor." She said, irritated.

"Yeah, well, you drunk dialed me." he repeated.

"What did I say?" she asked nervously, not looking at him in the eye.

"Well, you called me an idgit." He chuckled.

"What happened last night, Harry?" she asked.

"You sure you want the answer?" he asked. 

"You're scaring me now." she informed.

"Well, you didn't say anything special on the phone,"

"But?"

"But when I came to pick you up..."

"What did I say?" she was horrified now.

"Okay, here goes."

Harry reached Prarthana's house. He took Priya, and without saying anything to anyone,and put her in the car. 

"Harry, listen to me, please." Prarthana called from behind. Harry turned to her in pure anger and she took a step back. 

"Don't even talk to Priya ever again. Ever. You understand?" he ordered. 

"I can explain." She requested. He waved her off and sat in the car, and took off.

"Harryyy.." Priya called. 

"What?" he snapped. She stared at him, and laughed. 

"Why the hell are you laughing?" he asked. 

"You look so funny when you're angry." He didn't reply. After some time, she nudged him. He didn't say anything. He nudged him again.

"What, Priya?" he asked. 

"Do you know something, Harry?" she asked. 

"What?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

"I want to be kissed, you know where?"

"Where?"

"River side."

He smiled a bit.

"I love your smile." She commented.

"Good." He stopped smiling.

"You know by whom I want to be kissed?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed, "Who?"

"You." She said in all seriousness.

He stopped the car. 

"What?" he asked, turning to her. 

"Why are you such an idgit?" she asked. 

"I am not!" he defended. 

"You aren't? Then how can you not notice?" she asked.

"Notice what?"

"That cats say meow. That I am in love with you, you ass!" she exclaimed. 

"Sarcastic even when drunk. Wait, what? You love me?" he asked. 

"Bingo! You cracked the code, genius." She taunted. 

"Since when?" he asked. 

"Since a year and a half." She replied.

"Are you kidding?"

"Look at my face and tell me if I am kidding." He looked right into his eyes. 

He went totally silent, and so did she. Then she started crying. 

"Why are you telling me this now?" he asked.

"Because I did not have guts to tell you." She said, more to herself than him. He put his hand on her face, and smiled. He started driving and left her in her room.

"That's how I know you were drunk last night and sick today." He explained. She was silent, so silent that even the crickets were audible. A tear dropped on her cheek, and he wiped it.

"Don't cry." Was all he said before hugging her. 

"Why did you bring me here?" she asked after pulling back. 

"Well, it was your wish to be kissed on the river side, wasn't it?" he smiled. She nodded. 

"Wait, what?"

"Don't you want your wish to come true?" he asked. 

"But why do you want to make this wish come true?" she asked. 

"And you call me an idiot." He taunted. 

"Be clear?" she requested.

"Ilikeyou." He said quickly.

"What?"

"I like you, you idgit." He confessed.

"What? Since when?"

"Long enough." He said and kissed her before she could say banana.

It was amazing. They were happy. They were finally happy. They stayed there for a little longer, talking about anything and everything. 

After that, they went to her home, and had khichdi together.

THE END!